A Case of Bad Parenting

Kourtney Kardashian has appeared on a number of ridiculous tabloid covers. Incredibly, though, Parenting has managed to top them all.

On its official website, this magazine claims to offer "mom tips you can't live without," only to them cover its latest issue with... Kourtney Kardashian.

Offering up such nuggets as "I have no desire to go out," except when I get paid for letting the paparazzi follow me and when I'll soon appear on a reality show that chronicles my life, yet doesn't even show my son, Kourtney opens up to the publication about life as a parent.

In response, allow THG to equally open: if you need parenting tips from Kourtney Kardashian, you might want to rethink motherhood.

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Kredit Kard Katastrophe: Kardashians Sued for $75 Million

The Kardashians have kause for koncern.

Five weeks after they took their debit card off the market because it was associated with dangerously high fees, Kim, Kourtney, Khloe and Kris have been sued by The Revenue Resource Group, LLC. For $75 million.

The company claims these sisters breached their contract when they pulled out of the aforementioned deal. It's the biggest pulling out scandal Kim has been involved in since November 2007.

Following an announcement by the Attorney General of Connecticut, who said he'd consider an investigation into the MasterCard-approved debit card, the siblings dropped out of their deal.

But Revenue Resource Group says they signed a two-year contract and their public bashing of the product has affected the company's bottom line. RRG is seeking $75 million in damages.

Perhaps this will teach the family a lesson about attaching their name to any product that comes calling. But, somehow, we doubt it will.

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Mason Dash Disick is Okay!

Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick received a scare on Friday night.

Following an allergic reaction to peanut butter, the couple called 911 and was advised to bring son Mason to a New York City hospital. Fortunately, there was no real damage and the family returned home after just a brief visit.

It will take more than peanut butter and an attention-starved mother to bring Mason Dash down!!!

Kourtney blogged about the incident today, shooting down reports that blew the incident out of proportion and writing: "I learned such a lesson with this…to always follow my instincts and call 911. Always better safe than sorry.

"The creepy part is…WHO took those pictures and video I’ve seen online from outside our house?"

We can't say for certain, Kourt. But such are the consequences when you turn your private life into a television show.

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Kourtney Kardashian Outsources Beauty to Maxim India

Kourtney Kardashian has outsourced her beauty to India.

The reality star is featured in a sexy pictorial as part of that country's November issue of Maxim. Indeed, critics can say what they want about Kourtney - she's annoying, starved for attention, talentless, unashamed to exploit her child for publicity and money... - but it's hard to deny Kourtney is by far the best looking of all these Kardashian sisters.

Unfortunately, we can't even sit back and enjoy that fact because only one thought crosses our minds when looking at the pics below: Scott Disick gets to go home every night and tap this?!?

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Inside the (Fake) Kardashian Sister Split!

Khloe, Kourtney and Kim Kardashian have been spotted together numerous times over the last few weeks, most recently at the opening for Dash NYC.

But beneath the red carpet smiles and plastic body parties, Life & Style has breaking, utterly contrived news for fans of thees siblings: they hate each other!!!

"When Khloé arrived in NYC, Kim wanted nothing more than for the three sisters to hit the town together and have fun," an insider tells the tabloid. "But Khloé said Kim was being a selfish bitch. Kim burst into tears and rushed out of the room."

Forget a pretend Kardashian split... Amber Portwood has three boyfriends AND a baby?!?

Indeed, while Kim claims to be content with her single life, such a contrast with her siblings has apparently created an opportunity for imaginary sources to give fake quotes a riff.

"Kim definitely feels abandoned," says this family friend. "It's clear that Kourtney and Khloé are bonding over being settled down, and Kim just doesn't fit in."

It really is clear, isn't it, people?

The magazine claims Kourtney and Khloe are also freezing Kim out of their business, making decisions about clothing locations inside Dash without consulting their sister.

"They've grown apart much more than Kim had realized. It's made her very sad," reads this cover story.

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Kourtney Kardashian & Scott Disick: Broken Up... and Married!

We have bad news and good news for fans of Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick. Let's hope they are both reading this...

First, the bad: the rocky relationship between this couple is over, as In Touch Weekly confirms Kourtney took part in a REVENGE ROMANCE that included - gasp! - a "secret meeting" with a Miami model named Leandro Magno.

It's been a busy week for Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick.

Fortunately, there's this piece of good news: Kourtney and Scott are married! As Star makes clear, the pair went off to ELOPE recently, somehow avoiding the cameras that follow them around at all times.

We wonder if they consummated the marriage or not. Disick is reportedly embarrassed to have sex with Kardashian, after all.

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Gasp! Kourtney Kardashian is Pregnant and Alone!

Kourtney Kardashian is getting set to take over New York City, arriving there this week with shady baby daddy Scott Disick.

But despite photographic evidence that proves Kourtney and Scott are very much together, the latest issue of In Touch Weekly has breaking, false news for fans of this couple: they are apart!

While Kourtney reportedly forces her man to have sex against his will, Disick is busy house hunting for a bachelor pad to call his own. If you believe the anonymous sources quoted in this cover story, that is.

But here's a lesson in tabloid journalism 101, readers: Read the words on this magazine closely. Does it actually say that Kardashian is pregnant?

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Kim and Kourtney Prepare to Take New York City

Big breasts are coming to The Big Apple. The sisters that never show an ounce of personality are coming to The City That Never Sleeps. The globe's most media-savvy siblings are coming to the media capital of the world.

No matter how you describe, the end result is this: Kim and Kourntey Kardashian will take their scripted act lives to New York City this winner, as E! spins the sisters off in Kim and Kourtney Take New York. Kim, Kourtney and Scott Disick touched down in NYC this week to make the announcement.

Are you ready for the Kardashians, NYC residents?

"I could not be more excited to spend the next couple of months in one of my favorite cities," Kim blogged. "When we decided to open a new DASH store in the city, Kourt and I felt that someone needed to be here to help out with the store and make sure everything was running smoothly. After talking with my family, I decided that I would join Kourtney, Scott and Mason in NYC."

Khloe will stay behind in Los Angeles to spend time with husband Lamar Odom. Will you watch this spin-off, THG readers?

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Scott Disick: Humiliated to Have Sex with Kourtney Kardashian

Scott Disick might be a douchebag, but he isn't an idiot. We doubt the guy would ever turn down sex.

But that's what Life & Style wants us to believe, as that tabloid claims Scott and Kourtney Kardashian are trying for a second child... much to the alleged dismay of the couple's male half.

Kourtney wants a second child that's close in age to son Mason. Scott wants to bang his wife on his own darn time.

"Kourtney is figuring out the best times they need to make love to have the best chance of getting pregnant again, and it's driving Scott crazy," a family source says. "He feels humiliated. Kourtney calls him at work, and he has to drop everything so they can do it as soon as possible. He gets so embarrassed."

We're as shocked as you are, readers: Scott Disick works?!?

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Kourtney and Khloe Bid Farewell to Miami, Not Reality TV

The season finale of Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami aired last night, but don't worry fans: these two utter wastes of Oxygen will be back next Sunday night for the premiere of Keeping Up with the Kardashians!

For now, let's review the final 2010 installment of Kourtney and Khloe scripted series, as brought to you below by a THG intern...

Season finales are meant to conclude with a bang, but this one was pretty dull. As they prepared to head back to California, Kourtney and Khloe handed off the Dash store and tied up loose ends and... that was about it.

I wonder if Dash will go to sh*t - literally and figuratively - again now that the girls are leaving. I’m sure some crisis will be staged so the girls have to jet back down eventually and film a third season.

The point of the whole episode was to show Kourtney and Scott Disick going through couples counseling. Despite the fact that Kourtney says she hates therapy, she goes to one of Scott’s sessions. She says she wants to support him, but not enable him.

She speaks privately with the doctor later on about the fine line between the supporting and enabling and breaks down a little.

For someone who is extremely open and runs around practically naked, Kourtney doesn’t reveal much of what she truly feels. Scott seems surprised to see her cry. I guess Kourtney is just used to putting on a face for the cameras.

When she and Scott sit down to have a discussion, he constantly interrupts and berates her, sending her further into tears. By the way, it’s not easy to cry through that many fake eyelashes.

After everything is packed and Khloe has hosted her last radio show, the girls are about to leave and Scott comes over to say goodbye. We see Scott shed a few tears and try and gain forgiveness from Kourtney. Much to Khloe’s happiness, Kourtney tells Scott he needs to get himself together first and she leaves for Los Angeles without him.

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This Week, in Kardashian Tabloid News: Kim is Single! The Sisters are Torn Apart!

We can at least say the following about this week's Kardashian tabloid coverage:

It doesn't only feature Kim in a bikini.

It does, however, focus on exaggerations and lies surrounding the world's least talented, most photographed family.

First, Life & Style quotes Kim and claims she has broken up with Miles Austin and is now SINGLE AGAIN.

Referring to the fifth season of Keeping Up with the Kardashians, the busty reality star tells the magazine: "I think this is the first time I've ever really been single filming the show. You'll see me single and having a good time."

There's just one problem with this supposed exclusive...

... Keeping Up with the Kardashians was filmed MONTHS ago. In the new trailer for it, we see a single Kim meeting and dating Austin. Nice try, though, Life & Style!

Us Weekly, meanwhile, breaks the news that Kourtney, Khloe and Kim are TORN APART due to Kourtney's relationship with Scott Disick. However, Kris Jenner, Scott's main critic, recently gave the loser a stamp of approval.

Still, a family insider claims "there have been knock-down, drag-out fights between the girls over Scott."

Look, tabloids of the world. These siblings waste enough of our time by pimping themselves out and sharing every nugget of their lives with the public. Must you really give them even more attention than they already have?

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Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami, Scott Takes on Therapy

Due to writers putting it in the script his drinking and anger problem, Scott Disick is in therapy.

This supposed treatment was a major focus of last night's Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami, which THG forced an intern to watch and review below. Enjoy...

Kourtney’s true other half is back in Miamithis week, as Khloe Kardashiam Odom (did her ring actually get bigger?) returns to finish out the season of her show. Along with Khloe comes a few more Kardashians/Jenners. Mama Kris is there to look over her little cubs, for example.

Kris brings along little sisters Kendall and Kylie, who are turning into mini versions of their famous older sisters. They run around the apartment squealing as Kris settles in to take care of business. This is the first time we’ve really seen Kourtney admit that she knows Scott is sick. We also get to see Scott in therapy, attempting to confront his issues.

Kourtney assures Kris that she is handling everything and not to worry, but of course Kris takes things into her own hands. She visits Scott at the hotel where is he staying. In her attempt to talk to some sense into him, she also gives him some treatment brochures. Scott responds by promptly throwing them out the window the second she leaves.

Khloe, who is becoming wise in her old married age, tells Kris that the more she interferes, the worse she will make the situation. Kourtney is old enough to fight her own battles. Kris is just muddling things up. And what’s up with her hair by the way?

In the rest of the episode, nothing else is too exciting. When they roll up to the Dash the paparazzi are always waiting. Kourtney wants Khloe to fire one of the workers over a shoplifting incident. Khloe feels awkward, but it ends up being fine. Tune in next week for the finale!!

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Kardashian Klothing Line: Konfirmed!

Do you wanna look like THIS?

If so, you're in luck: Kourtney, Khloe and Kim Kardashian have confirmed that they will partner with Australian designer Bruno Schiavi's Jupi Corp. to create a line of clothing. It will debut early next year and include accessories, lingerie, swimwear and shoes.

"We obviously waited on a big partnership like this for a long time because we've had so many different offers and we wanted to make sure that we had a huge say in the design and that our personalities would come through," Kim said.

Their personalities would come through? Does this mean all outfits inspired by Kim will resemble a robot?

These sisters own a pair of Dash clothing stores in California and Miami (though THG reporting proves the Florida establishment is rarely actually open for business) and also designed a fall line for Bebe this year.

The new collection will hit major retail stores in 17 countries in 2011 and be comprised of pieces that flatter all body types, including ugly one-shoulder dresses, jumpsuits, blazers and leggings.

"All three of us have similar bones, but we have different shapes and sizes," Khloe said. "I'm tall, Kim is curvy and Kourtney is petite - and we know how to dress up our best assets."

Translation: they show off their big breasts a lot.

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Keeping Up With the Kardashians: Koming Back August 22

Since we definitely aren't exposed to Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian enough on Khloe and Kourtney Take Miami, we'll soon be Keeping Up some more.

A new season of Keeping Up With the Kardashians premieres August 22.

Try to contain the excitement of finally learning what these secretive stars are up to. We've barely heard from them since the last season ended. Suspense!

The first episode will show newly-single Kim moving into her new home, but fighting with mother Kris Jenner after she throws a housewarming party.

Guests spill food all over Kim's expensive rugs. Gripping television.

KEEPING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS SEASON THREE: GETTIN' KRUNK. That's not really what it will be subtitled of kourse, but a celebrity gossip site can dream.

In another scene, Kourtney - spoiler alert!!!!!! - moves out of the condo she shares with douchetastic BF Scott Disick and into Khloe and Lamar Odom's pad.

But the producer Kourtney decides she needs to move out once Khloe and Disick get into a screaming match and Khloe refuses to let him into her home.

Little sisters Kylie Jenner, who just debuted as a model, and Kendall Jenner, whose racy bikini pictures recently caused a stir - will have bigger roles as well.

The network says they're "no longer the quiet, young children they once were, and Bruce and Kris have their hands full with their youngest daughters' new career opportunities, first dates and not so lady-like behavior towards the paparazzi."

Kylie is 12 and Kendall is 14. Great values, E!

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Kourtney Kardashian Sexy Ass

Kourtney Kardashian ,hot mom and some really nice chick that really keep her great body up.She looks nice and so damn sexy on those photos even she did get child earlier.She got her sexy form and hot legs and ass soon,and her big tits are great in this shirt.Enjoy some of the park photos.

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Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami, Fight, Faint, Party

We actually have something positive to say about this week's episode of Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami: it was baby talk free!

As for what else went down on the most scripted show on television? We forced an intern to watch and to file the following report...

On this week’s installment, Kourtney is obsessive about getting her body back into pre-baby shape. Also, Khloe is back in Miami from LA.

Kourtney goes overboard in her mission. She has a shoot for Life & Style, who we all know has an exclusive deal with the Kardashians. She tells her stylist that she doesn’t want to be photoshopped because then it’s not realistic for other pregnant women to see.

Besides the fact that everything is photoshopped these days, it’s also unrealistic to for the average mom to be very rich with access to nannies, free clothes, trainers, etc.

We all know what happens next.

After all, when you are depriving yourself of food and overindulging in exercise you will lose your cool and possibly consciousness. Kourtney snaps at Scott and Khloe and then ends up fainting. She needs to be taken away in an ambulance to get hydrated.

By the way, how Patrick Bateman did Scott look in his outfit during that fight scene? Moreover, when Kourtney had the IV pulled out, she claims she “can’t look at that stuff.” I didn’t know Kourtney had any sort of gross out factor; after all she did pull her own baby out of her vagina on cable TV.

Meanwhile Khloe vowed that upon her return to Miami she would no longer be “whining Whitney” and would throw herself into being more helpful to Kourtney and Dash. She takes over the shop, babysits Mason, and is Kourtney’s biggest cheerleader.

She feels since the Dash ladies are working really hard, she should take them out for a night at Liv. People chug vodka from bottles and get dirty in the bathrooms. Shocking. Khloe claims she can’t party like that anymore now that she’s an old married lady. Yes, you can Khlo, but I’m into this new, mature outlook.

Truthfully, I’m usually a bigger Kourtney fan, but I fully take Khloe’s side on all of this. As a baby sister, I feel you!

She was trying to be helpful and Kourtney was crapping all over her. You know things are upside down when Scott and Khloe find themselves on the same side. Scott even has wisdom to share. And FYI Kourt, Khloe doesn’t have to tell you you look good because she’s your sister. If anything, sisters are always the most brutally honest!

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Kourtney Kardashian Kalls Out Taboid Report, Defends Baby Daddy

A recent tabloid cover story stated that Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant again and shady baby daddy Scott Disick reacted to the news by hitting on a woman in front of her.

Not exctly his most dastardly deed.

Still, Kourtney felt the need to make more headlines for herself from this report and responded to it on her blog yesterday. She wrote:

"Gotta give it to the trash mags this week for some pretty creative Kardashian stories. One of my favorites is that Scott was flirting with a sexy blonde aka Joyce, my most gorgeous and fabulous friend and makeup artist. Lol."

Kourtney also felt the need to defend another random aspect of the article:

"The story went on about how Scott was downing sangria, a drink I'm pretty sure he has never had before. In fact there wasn't even any sangria at the table. Not to mention, he wasn't drinking alcohol period."

Okay, Kourtney, we got it: Scott wasn't flirting and he wasn't drinking. Thank goodness you cleared those rumors up.

Care to respond to the pregnancy claim now???

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Kourtney Kardashian: Pregnant Again?!?

Come on, Kourtney Kardashian.

Is your reality show struggling so mightily that you must ruin the life of a second child by exploiting it for the sake of ratings?!?

The answer is YES, if this tabloid cover story is to be believed. According to In Touch Weekly, Kourtney Kardashian recently shared pregnancy news with Scott Disick... who reacted to it by flirting with another woman right before Kourt's eyes. That bastard!

Poor Kardashian wants to leave her shady baby daddy, but is allegedly "terrified" to do so. After all, viewers certainly won't watch Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami just for the personality of these sisters alone.

Take this report with a grain of salt the size of Kim Kardashian's ego, however.

Supermarket tabloids have a penchant for "confirming" baby news that turns out to be nothing more than a confirmation that the magazine has written about a celebrity and mentioned the word baby. Right, Jessica Simpson?

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Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami, Pretend to Flirt, Talk Like Annoying Babies

You know I love you, I try to stick it to you whenever I can.

- Scott Disick

Not even Fourth of July Weekend could slow down the writers of Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami. They penned such winning lines as the one uttered above and came up with a new episode of this E! reality show last night. We forced an intern to watch and she filed the following report...

It’s honestly hard to get through KKTM these days without Khloe speaking like a 4 year old. It’s really effing killing me, which makes it harder to write this review, but here goes.

Scott and Kourtney are a bipolar couple. The polo event they went to was so staged it was ridiculous. Congrats, producers, for coming up with new locations and storylines to paint the exact story you want. So Kourtney flirts with a hot polo player and Scott doesn’t even care. As she laments to Khloe that it felt sexual to be on the horse with a polo hottie, Scott is in the backseat with the baby deciding aloud that he’s “really in the mood for a taco.”

The Kardashians are such pros at working the camera and Scott has picked up the tricks of the trade pretty quickly. He knows it makes for better television if he resists Kourtney’s taunting and forces her to take her game to the next level.

This brings us to Kourtney staging a lesbionic reunion with season one fling Jackie. Scott smells BS the second he walks in the door and upstages her. I truly was laughing when he came outside in his robe and suggested a threesome. He’s fully bucko, swinging his dong at these ladies, with his microphone cord visibly hanging behind him.

Scott’s crazy, but he’s definitely amusing. Kourtney calls him a sicko, Jackie leaves, and Scott tells her that he always wants to get down with her, there’s no need to play these games.

Next, Khloe flies back to LA for a few days to see Lamar.

She prances around their mansion in her lingerie and animal print clothing talking like a baby. Oh, the honeymoon stage. Sigh. However, while Khloe wants romance, Lamar just wants some bromance. Rob (possibly my favorite Kardashian) has moved in with Khloe instead of living with his rents at age 23.

I will sincerely say it’s very sweet how Lamar and Rob have bonded. As the youngest sibling in a large family, it is often difficult to integrate your significant other and your siblings. But I digress: Khloe wants to get down with her hubby and the NBA is ruining it.

One of my favorite things about this whacky family is how open they are; But SERIOUSLY, c’mon Khloe and Lamar, you guys are in the tub, that’s beyond private time. You’re not helping fight the media whore rumors when you bring your intimate moments to TV. I mean, I hope his kids don’t watch this.

Lastly, Khloe is getting paranoid. I guess it’s not easy being the wife of a Lakers star. I wouldn’t want a strange ho in my bedroom when I got home, but it seems that she’s more on guard than usual. Nervous about the girl trying to sell stories to the paparazzi and take pics in their bed? Seems kinda extreme, but then again I’m not famous and I wouldn’t know.

Just another week in 100% scripted reality television.

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Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami (and Chicago), Scott Gets Wasted

Wow. What an amazing coincidence: the same week E! airs an episode of Kourtney and Khloe Takes Miami that focuses on Scott Disick being a pathetic drunk, that loser happens to get in a filmed fight with his neighbor.

It's almost as if the marketing team planned it that way!

Below, a THG intern offers up her thoughts on this week's installment of the most scripted show on television...

It’s weird that Kourtney said she doesn’t go to clubs when she’s photographed at them ALL THE TIME and was at one two episodes ago. Still, this gave her a chance to get out of town with Khloe and head to Chicago.

You’d think Kourt would want to support Scott’s club opening, but nope. She goes to the Windy City and pushes around Mason while walking next to Khloe, who literally is a foot taller than her in one scene.

The girls are in Chicago to explore Khloe’s obsession with all things forensics and serial killers. She meets with a renowned doctor to do some investigating. As the doctor is explaining what a sociopath is, Khloe is having flashbacks and relating everything to Scott. She reallyyyy has it out for the guy.

Meanwhile, back in Miami Scott’s friends fly down for the opening of his club “MIA.” When they visit the store, the boys invite the Dash employees, who respond with: “We know it’s a bad idea, but we should go anyway to show we are on Kourtney’s side.”

What?!? That’s the most illogical rationalization I’ve ever heard. Inappropriate all around.

Scott feels the need to prove to this boys that he’s not a boring ol’ dad and can still hang. So he chugs Patron - and gets drunk. He calls one of the girls a hooker, the girl cries and then goes home.

While it’s never polite to call a girl a hooker, the girl really didn’t need to overdramatically beer tear about it. You’re hanging out with Scott Disick, he could be shoving money down your throat... Oh wait I think he pulled that in this episode, too.

The Dash employees totally seemed ditzy and dramatic. They crossed the line, which was really stupid of them, but then again the E! producers probably obviously told them to.

Furthering all things inappropriate, Khloe point blank tells Scott that she thinks he is a sociopath. He freaks out on her. She tries to embarrass him at work. All Kourtney wants to do is protect that little nugget of a baby, Mason. Khloe needs to tone it down. Then again, Scott needs a Valium...or five.

Ah, just another week in the world of twisted reality TV.

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