THG on TV: Thursday DVR Bonanza

There was so much on TV last night, you probably couldn't have watched it all if you tried. Can you imagine the stone age before DVRs? Dark times, indeed.

THG and its friends at TV Fanatic have the action recapped for you in this rundown of Thursday night programming. Follow the links below to get caught up:

• Elena saved Damon's life and learned some big secrets on The Vampire Diaries.
• Many jobs and relationships were left in limbo on an all-new Grey's Anatomy.
• Shonda Rhimes' other ABC series, Private Practice, felt a bit cliched this week.
• The network also debuted Grey's Anatomy in law firm format: The Deep End.
• The Mentalist tried a different approach last night, and it was hit-or-miss.

• The Jersey Shore season finale was last night. Try to contain yourselves ...
• Parks and Recreation took us inside Leslie Knope's house for the first time.
• Hilarious Jeff morphed somewhat into hilarious, mature Jeff on Community.
• The Office was really a clip show, but 30 Rock brought the funny to Boston.
• LeBron and the Cavs ousted Kobe and the Lakers (for all you sports fans).
• Finally, last night was the penultimate Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien.

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Dennis Shaun Bowman, Kim Kardashian Stalker, Told to Please Back the Hell Off

Kim Kardashian took time out from her career as a professional celebrity to obtain a restraining order against an alleged stalker, Dennis Shaun Bowman.

This guy is delusional and believes he's dating her, says Kim, who notes that herobsessed fan has been following her and "poses an immediate threat."

Bowman began sending Kardashian Twitter messages last fall, professing love for her, then moved from Georgia to Kardashian's home of Calabasas, Calif.

More disturbingly, he has started turning up periodically at the socialite's appearances in L.A., sometimes wearing joker face paint, a la The Dark Knight.

Wonder if he present for this display.

Dude must be out of his mind. He even sent a Twitter message to her boyfriend, Reggie Bush, looking for a fight. Reggie plays professional football!

Why stalk Kim Kardashian? It's illegal, and she's not that interesting!

At least he can be polite sometimes, however. Bowman also Tweeted to Kardashian to ask forgiveness for missing their dinner date planned in Atlanta recently.

They never had one, but still, good manners!

Under the restraining order, recommended by LAPD's Threat Management unit, Bowman must stay 500 yards away from Kardashian and stop contacting her.

Fortunately, he can still peruse our gallery of Kim Kardashian pictures!

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Britney Spears Conservatorship Remains in Effect

britney is not free. At least not yet. She surprisingly has no beef with this.

At least that's the face she puts on in public. Despite speculation that the 28-year-old pop star was heading to court Friday to get the ball rolling on ending her father's control over her financial and medical affairs, this was not the case.

If Britney is indeed feuding with dad Jamie, there was no indication of that (or anything like it) yesterday in court. Instead, money was the order of the day.

L.A. Superior Court Commissioner Reva Goetz signed off on the conservators' request for "the disposal of certain property" and their desire to auction off a dress Britney rocked at the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards to benefit Haiti relief.

WHAT A DICK! We mean the dude on her shirt, of course.

No one divulged what said property was, only that it included "items no longer useful to Spears" and that she is "perfectly satisfied with the disposal of property" according to the singer's attorney, Samuel Ingham. Well, that's great news!

Spears "was very enthusiastic" about the Haiti donation, he added.

Britney left the court appearance early because of a prior commitment with her kids, but is "appreciative of the extra time and energy the court has given" to her.

No sign of any of the weird behavior that has been observed in recent weeks, or any drama from within the singer's camp. We now return to actual celebrity news!

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Spencer Pratt Sort of Stands By Heidi Montag

We don't want to jinx it, but Spencer Pratt, master manipulator and media madman, has remained mute regarding the whole Heidi Montag plastic surgery debacle.

Speaking out for the first time to People, Heidi's husband says he supports her, but at the same time he isn't totally in favor of what she did. A politician at work!

For the past three years, while Heidi Montag has obsessed about her imperfections and eagerly planned her 10 procedures, Pratt was there to voice his opinion.

"Anytime I hinted that it might be a little much or if I just asked if she was sure, I even felt like I was crossing lines," Spencer Pratt says. "I'm not in charge of what she does with any part of her body. I'm her husband – not her owner."

What a surprisingly lenient pimp/manager.

GROSS: Spencer Pratt moves in for a hot, surgically-altered plastic kiss.

To Spencer, his wife of a year was perfect to begin with, but "everyone sees themselves differently when they look in the mirror ... nobody truly understands how she feels except her. I may not be okay with things, but it's not my call."

Throughout the seven-week-plus recovery from her 10 procedures, Pratt played nurse day and night. But the hardest part of all was seeing his wife post-surgery.

"Right after ... it was the worst experience of my life," Pratt said. "Nobody that loves a loved one should see that." Talk about a ringing endorsement right there!

"At the end of the day we do share a same opinion," says Heidi, appreciative of her man being honest. "It's my body and I need to feel comfortable as a woman, as a person, and my inner beauty is always there and that's what's most important."

Except it's clearly not most important, otherwise you wouldn't have had your face butchered over the course of a few years. But whatever helps you sleep at night!

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Conan O'Brien is a Free Bird Now

He's as free as a bird now, and this bird you cannot change.

Truer words have never been spoken, and early this morning, a departing Conan O'Brien spent the last few minutes of his Tonight Show tenure jamming with none other than Will Ferrell on the classic Lynyrd Skynyrd farewell ballad.

Here's Will, Conan and his band doing "Free Bird" ...

Last Tonight Show with Conan: Free Bird

Conan's final episode was, in many ways, a somber one. He showed a picture of his staff and expounded on what hosting The Tonight Show meant to him.

"Every comedian dreams of hosting the Tonight Show and, for seven months, I got to. I did it my way, with people I love, and I do not regret it," he said.

Refraining from any well-deserved NBC bashing (probably because of his contract buyout), he thanked the network for making his entire career possible.

He did needle NBC for building a $50 million studio for him just a year ago, suggesting alternate uses for it going forward: Site of Tiger Woods' mistresses 1st annual reunion, water park for Max Weinberg's illegitimate children, etc.

Oddly enough, after the Hope for Haiti Now benefit Friday, NBC chose to airDateline at 10 p.m., rather than the Jay Leno Show, meaning the final night ofConan O'Brien's career at NBC was the only one in which he didn't have to follow Jay.

As for his next move?

"As I set off for exciting new career opportunities, I just want to make one thing clear to everyone listening out there: I will do nudity," Conan boasted.

Follow the jump for a montage of some of the best moments from The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien, the finale of which came a decade too soon:

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Stars Align For Haiti Telethon

Last night's TV lineup was notable for two reasons: Conan's last show, and far more significantly, the Hope For Haiti Now Telethon for earthquake relief funds.

The mood was subdued, yet the underlying force of A-list stars was a force to be reckoned with. No one was more instrumental in this than George Clooney.

The actor spent a week pulling together the two-hour Hope for Haiti Now: A Global Benefit for Earthquake Relief, and donated $1 million of his own money.

Anderson Cooper's dispatches from the earthquake-torn nation and Wyclef Jean's closing message of hope for his fellow Haitians were particularly moving.

George Clooney and his army of A-list fundraisers.

You don't often see phone banks manned by the likes of Charlize Theron, Mel Gibson, Julia Roberts, Steven Spielberg, Reese Witherspoon, Cindy Crawford, Ben Affleck, Sigourney Weaver, Ringo Starr and Jack Nicholson - to name a select few.

Did we mention Leonardo DiCaprio, Russell Simmons, Zac Efron, Billy Crystal, Gerard Butler, Neil Patrick Harris, LL Cool J and Selena Gomez were also there?

We could go on for hours about this event, which raised tens of millions for a good cause. Click to enlarge some images from our Hope For Haiti Now album:

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Andy Dick Arrested For Sexual Abuse

Alleged comedian Andy Dick was arrested in West Virginia on two felony counts of first-degree sexual abuse this morning. Talk about a _______ move!

Dick was released from jail in Barboursville, W.V., after posting $60,000 bail. The owner of the Funny Bone, where he performed last night, posted bail.

According to officials, Dick was talking to a guy when he "unexpectedly, and without invitation, grabbed the victim's crotch, groping, then kissing him."

Also, the security guard at the bar is claiming that Andy Dick "grabbed his crotch and began laughing" when the guard tried to give him an armband.

Dick was in town performing at the Funny Bone in Huntington, W.V. Manager Tom Schaefer says Dick will go on stage Saturday and Sunday as planned.

This old (but still funny!) Andy Dick mug shot is from '08.

One of his alleged victims last night? Phillip Daniels, a bouncer at Rum Runners, who says Dick tried walking past him when he entered, without taking a wristband.

Daniels says he stopped the comedian, put the band on his wrist ... and Andy grabbed his crotch. When he pulled away, the guy says, Dick laughed and walked off.

"You could tell he was really out of it. He was on something," he said. A male patron also says Dick also groped him at the same location. Police were soon called.

The bouncer says someone called the cops, who showed up 20 minutes later, inquiring about Andrew. A few minutes later they departed with the Dick in handcuffs.

You may recall that the man is currently on probation over an incident at a chicken joint, where he was busted for sexual assault and copped a plea to battery in 2008.

He faces 1-5 years in prison if convicted this time. Andy's lawyer says Andy "is stunned by these allegations" and denies wrongdoing. If so, then what's with this ...

He may or may not be convicted of sexual abuse, but Andy Dick was definitely all over some fellas last night in W.V., according to this TMZ picture. [Photo: TMZ]

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SAG Awards 2010: Full List of Winners & Nominees

Sandra Bullock continued her seemingly unstoppable awards-show winning streak for The Blind Side at Saturday's 2010 Screen Actors Guild Awards.

Other top movie winners last night included Jeff Bridges, like Sandra a Golden Globe winner, for outstanding male leading actor (Crazy Heart), and the stars ofInglourious Basterds, which claimed outstanding performance by an ensemble cast.

The TV portion of the awards were dominated by (to the surprise of no one) 30 Rock, with Mad Men, Dexter and Glee getting in on the action as well.

Here's a full list of SAG nominees and winners (in italics) for 2010 ...

FILM

Best Actor

Jeff Bridges, Crazy Heart
George Clooney, Up In The Air
Colin Firth, A Single Man
Morgan Freeman, Invictus
Jeremy Renner, The Hurt Locker

Two of last night's (predictably awesome) SAG award winners.

Best Actress

Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side
Helen Mirren, The Last Station
Carey Mulligan, An Education
Gabourey Sidibe, Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire
Meryl Streep, Julie & Julia

Best Supporting Actor

Christoph Waltz, Inglorious Basterds
Matt Damon, Invictus
Woody Harrelson, The Messenger
Christopher Plummer, The Last Station
Stanley Tucci, The Lovely Bones

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Random Couple Alert: Karina Smirnoff & Brad Penny!

In news we did not expect to wake up to this morning, Karina Smirnoff and Brad Penny, overweight MLB pitcher, have been waking up in Turks and Caicos - together!

In addition to frolicking on the sand and in the surf, the two were seen snorkeling and playing a game of catch. All we have to say here: Maksim Chmerkovskiy who?!

Penny was 11-9 with a 4.88 ERA and zero salads eaten last season with the Red Sox and Giants. Smirnoff dazzled on Dancing with the Stars last season as always.

Here's a picture of the smokin' hot, vacationing tandem ...

Hopefully Karina Smirnoff gives Brad Penny an offseason workout - if you know what we mean! Editor's note: We don't either. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

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Jersey Shore Cast Wants Fat Raise From MTV

The cast of MTV's Jersey Shore would love to run it back for Season Two ... if the price is right, which it's currently not. The gang rejected MTV's offer to return.

Sources close to the negotiations say MTV offered then each a $10,000 signing bonus and $5,000 per episode. The guidos and guidettes were not interested.

Looks like we've got a Situation on our hands!

The cast has made it clear that they are negotiating Friends style. In other words, everyone wants the same amount and wants a lot more than MTV's offer.

In response, the network doubled its bonus offer and is willing to cough up $10,000 an episode. Snooki and Co. have not responded to the counteroffer.

As much as they act like trashy morons, the gang wasn't born yesterday. Theseason finale drew 4.8 million viewers, making $10K/episode a relative steal.

For reference, some members of The Hills cast are raking in $50,000-100,000 an episode, and that was pulling in half as many viewers last season at best.

The cast is on contractual hold with the network for another year and technically has no right to renegotiate, but this sort of thing is still done all the time.

MTV technically has not made a decision on whether there will be another season, or whether it will feature the current lineup or new guidos and guidettes.

But come on. You know they're gonna bring back the all-star roster. It's just a matter of finding a mutually acceptable price for those Jersey Shore quotes.

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Spotted at Sundance: Jon Gosselin & Morgan Christie!

Jon Gosselin and Morgan Christie, his latest girlfriend, made their public debut as a couple this weekend the Sundance Film Festival. Who the heck invited them?

The divorced dad has been spotted with his new gal multiple times in the past few days, holding hands and smiling in snowy Park City, Utah (where they met)!

A Connecticut native, Morgan Christie has relatives in Park City, ironically the same spot where Jon supposedly cheated on ex-wife Kate with Deanna Hummel.

You gotta go with what works, right?

Jon Gosselin and Morgan Christie: Made for each other.

Gosselin and Christie have been dating since Thanksgiving, when he lied about spending time with his grandma but was really in Utah skiing with her.

An insider says things are serious between the two, but that Jon "is trying his best to keep her out of the spotlight while he tries to figure out his life."

Jon? Keeping something out of the spotlight? Please. Dude has an agenda and we all know it. One wonders what possesses a cute girl to date him.

Morgan's family, who Jon has met, must be so proud.

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Miley Cyrus Teaches Joaquin Phoenix About Charity, Lady GaGa

Remember when Joaquin Phoenix showed up on The Late Show with David Letterman, bushy and seemingly drugged out of his mind?

That was weird.

In a way, the following video is even weirder.

It depicts Miley Cyrus alongside the eccentric actor, as she shows him how to assist a cause dear to her heart: To Write Love on Her Arms, a non-profit organization that specializes in suicide prevention.

She also tells him about Lady GaGa and sings some lines from "Bad Romance." It's as random as it can get, but, hey, whatever sheds light on this important charity...

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Robert Pattinson: Bearded... and Beautiful?

Even with a cigartte dangling from his lips, most people agreed Robert Pattinson still looked beautiful.

But will that opinion change now that the Twilight Saga star has debuted a new look?

Soon after walking away from his appearance on Friday night's Hope for Haititelethon, Pattinson was spotted in a full beard. The facial hair is quite a departure from the fresh-faced vampire with whom movie fans have fallen in love.

Take a look at Robert's bushy side below and let us know your take on it:

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Bristol Palin Pledges No Sex Before Marriage

Bristol Palin, 19-year-old mom, said Friday that getting knocked up by Levi Johnston taught her a lesson, and she won't make the same mistake twice.

She told Oprah Winfrey that she's been depressed since the birth of her 13-month-old son, Tripp, and sees the error of her past, protection-free ways.

As a result, she vows to not have sex until marriage.

"I just think it's a goal to have, and other women should have that goal," the daughter of Sarah Palin (who was by her side) said of her chastity oath.

Oprah "bristled" at Bristol Palin pleding abstinence now. "Don't you think you are setting yourself up?," Oprah asked. "No, I don't," she responded.

Bristol Palin is Levi Johnston's baby mama. After that horrible experience, she vows she won't be someone else's. Well, unless that person puts a ring on it this time.

"I have a kid in my life, and it's my full-time job now," a melancholy Bristol told Oprah. "I have this big, supportive family and stuff, but I just felt so alone."

Her mom, vice presidential candidate-conservative TV pundit-celebrity baby pimperSarah, said Friday "it was a shock" to find out Bristol was pregnant.

"Like so many other parents, I thought, 'not my kid,'" Palin said.

As we reported Friday, Bristol is seeking child support from Levi, her high school sweetheart, who scored a big payday with a nude Playgirl photo spread.

She's seeking $1,750 a month from Johnston, with whom she has a prickly relationship. A lot more than a box of condoms would've cost, Levi. Just sayin'.

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Gary Coleman: Arrested for Domestic Violence

There may be different strokes for different folks, but violence is never an answer, Gary Coleman.

The diminutive former sitcom star was arrested on one count of domestic assault (a misdemeanor) in Santaquin, Utah this afternoon. He was picked up due to a warrant stemming from a prior incident.

Coleman being held on $1,725 bail. Police would not report the name of the alleged victim, but Gary and wife Shannon Price have had many problems over the years.

The couple actually appeared on Divorce Court in 2008 and Price (pictured) wasarrested for domestic violence in July of last year. We'll keep our eyes on this story as it progresses.

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