The portions of Angelina rapping we posted earlier this week don't do justice to the full version. More than four minutes of awfulness awaits below!
With her hamster-like voice, epic lyrics and Eiffel 65-esque backing vocals, this is an absolute riot. If you enjoy your ears bleeding, have at it ...
Angelina Pivarnick: I'm Hot (Full, Terrible Song)
Angelina Pivarnick used to star on Jersey Shore. She famously walked out on both seasons of the MTV show so far, and now only makes news for other reasons.
Like getting attacked at the Hot Topic in the Staten Island Mall.
Sources close to Angelina say the reality "star" was inside Hot Topic when she was approached by a "rowdy group" of young people. The hooligans attacked.
NOT A HOT TOPIC: Angelina Pivarnick can't catch a break.
Ange claims someone jumped her from behind, striking her in the back of the head. A friend, which she apparently has, says someone threw a bottle that hit her lip.
No word if JWoww and Snooki were the unknown assailants.
She immediately called police, but mall security paints a less dramatic tale, saying a crowd filming Angelina got chaotic and she was accidentally hit in the face.
In any case, security quickly arrived to the Hot Topic and ordered the kids to leave the store. Angelina Pivarnick is still talking to police to decide her next move.
You might say good riddance, but she says she's a victim, not an instigator.
The inaccurately and self-proclaimed Kim Kardashian of Staten Island says it was the relentless name-calling and nasty pranks by the cast that drove her out.
"I was bullied to the fullest sense," says Pivarnick, who up and quit season one in Seaside Heights, N.J., last year, only to return unexpectedly in South Beach.
The Situation "called me a dirty hamster, but I cleaned that house up and down! MTV never showed that," she insists, and Snooki "would call me a whore."
"Mike and Vinny would call me a whale. I'd go in the bathroom and cry," she says, noting they put whipped cream on a condom in her bed, so it looked used.
Whipped cream? Is that really what ... you know what, forget it.
Another time, poor Angelina whiles, "I found olive oil and grated cheese all over my bed. I picked up my comforter, and it was on my sheets, my pillow."
"It was yellow and I thought Mike pissed on my bed."
Wouldn't have been too big a stretch, we suppose.
Ange left Jersey Shore after this past week's episode, which ended with the whole house hating her instigating ways and an epic throwdown with Snooki.
The unattached former bartender, who now lives with her mom and sister on Staten Island, says it was so bad, she can no longer watch Jersey Shore.
"It bothers me hearing the names they call me, and that it looks like I’m the backstabber," she says. "My head is really f--ked up; I'm seeing a therapist."
"I cry a lot. It’s going to take me a year to get over this. My mom got bleeding ulcers from the stress. It's hard to watch her daughter go through what I did."
Want some cheese with that whine and olive oil?
None of the other cast members cared.
In fact, they were so apathetic about the "Kim Kardashian of Staten Island" that seeing her in South Beach during the Season 2 premiere led to double-takes.
People were far from pleased. Girls in particular.
"I just feel like she didn't fit into the family," Snooki (Nicole Polizzi) told MTV News. "When I saw her in the house, when I walked into Miami, I was like, 'What is this girl doing here? Why are you here? We could have brought [Deena] in.'"
There's no love lost between Snooki and Angelina.
That would be Deena Nicole Cortese, Snooki's BFF who joined the show for Season 3. The South Beach antics are considered Season 2, before the N.J. return.
"I'm different because I'm just a personable person," Deena, Ms. Class in a Glass, said. "I don't take things to heart. People can make fun of me 'til the day I die, and I will just take it in and be like, 'Yeah, you know what? Whatever.'"
Whatever indeed. But before Deena Nicole comes aboard, we're going to have to watch the crew run Angelina Pivarnick out, and it's not gonna be pretty.
"You're a f*%king white rat and you're f*%king pale and you're nasty" was one of our favorite Snooki quotes from the Season 2 premiere a few weeks back.
"Angelina, she just didn't fit in with anybody, she didn't really open up to anybody," Snook says. "I feel that's why nobody could really connect with her. We gave her a second chance. And she did what she did with it. You're going to have to see."
While Ronnie pretended not to remember what he did the night before, Sammi gave him the cold shoulder ... until she came around for the 293rd time.
Also heavily featured in this week's episode? Angelina Pivarnick. Like Sammi and Ronnie, she really needs an intervention, or a just ticket home ASAP.
At a certain point it's just boring and annoying. Meltdowns are supposed to be fun to watch, right? Though we suppose JWoww may still throw down.
Anyway, here's The Hollywood Gossip's scientific plus-minus recap ...
Ronnie, on hooking up with land mines and grenades in the premiere: "Yo, I was doin' mad work tonight bro! Mad work!" Yo, you're a douche, bro! Minus 8.
Vinny says one of Ronnie's hookups plays tight end for the Giants. Plus 4.
Pauly D coins another gem: "Ronnie's new nickname is IFF. The I'm F*%ked Foundation. He's a client and the president!" Plus 7, because it's funny and true.
For a girl nicknamed Sweetheart, Sammi really isn't that nice. Minus 16. We're just saying. These girls are all catty, but she's miserable and not even funny.
JWoww at the tranny store: "The sex shop is perfect. Perfect ... It's my scene. And when I get into my scene I get into my clothes." What clothes? Minus 6.
After buying a $395 pair of sunglasses, Snooki walks around blind, seeks pickles, ruins dinner, and does a half-ass job cleaning it up. Standard. Plus 9.
Delivery guy: What's the name? Mike: Situation. S-i-t-u-a-t-i-o-n. Plus 5.
Snooki and JWoww confront Angelina about smack-talk pertaining to their friends/boyfriends. JWoww threatens violence many, many times. Plus 13.
Give it a rest, you guys. Seriously.
Pauly D's new boss is concerned about his hair. His response: "This hair ain't movin' my dude. 150 miles per hour on the highway on a street bike. Doesn't move. What makes you think it's gonna move in a gelato shop?" Amen. Plus 14.
The Situation introduces the shirt-before-the-shirt concept: "We have an abundance of wife beaters ... we wear before we go out. Then it's T-shirt time. Right before we go out we take off the tank and then we put on our fresh shirt." Plus 11.
At the club, The Situation gets bitten while making out with a panty-less drunk girl. Happens to the best of us on Thursday nights. Hang in there. Minus 4.
Pauly D hooks up with a girl who, according to Angelina, is married. She confronts him about this, apparently unaware that 1. She used to date a married guy herself, and 2. Pauly D obviously doesn't care, girl! Chill! Plus 7.
After professing her love to Pauly D (seriously), Ange proceeds to SLAP HIM. Minus 19 for being generally insane, and Minus 12 more for this being the most pathetic slap ever. Everyone hates you anyway ... put your back into it!
Plus 3 for next week's promo. After this week, it should be hilariously awkward.
TOTAL: +8. SEASON: +34. Follow this link for the night's Jersey Shore quotes!
On the left, Jersey Shore star Angelina Pivarnick, a.k.a. the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island, a.k.a. the girl who quit after one episode and now regrets it.
In the middle, Real Housewives of New Jersey prostitution whore Danielle Staub. On the right, former Living Lohan star and worst mom ever Dina Lohan.
They were all at some event this week. What it was, we can't recall right now. A reality TV convention for washed up non-stars? Who's to say. But tell us ...
The bartender who "does great things" (one of our favorite Jersey Shore quotes) and couldn't take working in the lowly t-shirt store will be there and it is on.
Especially if your name is J-Woww.
Pivarnick, the self-proclaimed "Kim Kardashian of Staten Island" (whatever the hell that implies) says J-Woww (a.k.a. Jenni Farley) better watch her back!
Who would you rather ... not get in a fist fight with?
Angelina's comments came in response to J-Woww dissing her last week. "I don't wanna fight with people in the house, but if I have to, I have to," she says.
Over the weekend at Glo on Long Island, the possible future Playboy model says she hopes Angelina "stays the hell away" from Jersey Shore next season.
The Situation, Snooki and Co. have not commented, but ladies, take off the hair extensions, 'cause it looks like these two guidettes are gonna throw DOWN.
J-Woww is the early favorite with 3:2 odds.
Chinese
French
German
Italian
Japanese
Korean
Russian
Spanish
