Snooki from Jersey Shore turns 23 tomorrow, but like fellow November 23 birthday girl Miley Cyrus, she got the party underway early over the weekend.
Unlike Miley's birthday party, Lifestyles condoms sponsored it.
Between sucking face with JWoww, enjoying an intimate dinner for two with boyfriend Jionni LaValle and dressing up like a princess ... it was AWESOME.
Check out some photos from this unforgettable night ...
Sorry, Emilio Masella. You missed your shot, dog. Maybe if you weren't a drunk skank with no job (quote courtesy JWoww), you'd still be with Snooki.
Instead, Jionni LaValle has stepped into the role - and they're in love!
Over the weekend, Snooki and Jionni LaValle took a trip to Walt Disney World in Florida to celebrate her upcoming birthday. Tagging along? Her dad!
Snooki and Jionni get wet and wild. And a little blurry.
Other men have come and gone from her life in rapid succession, but she seems to have learned from her mistakes and found a genuine one this time.
Under one of the pictures Snook Tweeted, she wrote, "Fallin in love at disney :)"Awww. Looks like the Princess of Poughkeepsie has found a Prince!
Here's hoping this gorilla juicehead is "The One."
Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi started dating Jionni LaValle earlier this fall. We're happy, and a bit surprised to report they are going strong! It's been like a month!
The Jersey Shore star says she's done hunting for tan, juicehead gorillas, because she's found one worth sticking with. Jionni LaValle, you are a lucky man.
After meeting her through mutual friends, Jionni, who is in school to get his teaching degree, has hit it off with Snook ever since. Here's a photo of them:
Sorry, Emilio Massella and Jeff Miranda. Jionni LaValle is smushin' Snooki.
A friend of Snooki’s says “he’s is a good kid, finishing school to become a teacher like his two older brothers. She talks about him all the time and sees him pretty damn often.” Best of all, Jionni is shy and prefers not to be in the spotlight.
“He doesn’t give a [expletive] about (fame)” Snooki reportedly stated last week at her Halloween party in Vegas. Hey, that would be a first. Snooki Tweeted today: “My boyfriend is amazing!! Miss you Jionni :)” All together now: Aww.
There was a trip to the swamp, a feud between friends, a last hurrah at the club, and a great line or two, but "Back Into the Fold" was more filler than finale.
Below, THG breaks down the top Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from last night's Season 2 finale in its patented +/- recap. Aww yeah, last recap YEAH!!
They really dragged this season of Jersey Shore out.
The gang heads to the Everglades. MTV is really milking the Florida thing. Minus 5.
Sitch scares JWoww with his frog legs. We mean actual dismembered frog parts, not his own legs, which are frog-like compared to that HGH-enhanced chest. Plus 4.
The restroom tryst starring the Situation during the last night at the club might have set the sanitary bar lower than ever. Not a small feat for Jersey Shore. Minus 6.
After two mediocre, Jon Gosselin-caliber girls approach Vinny about a threesome, he breaks it down as such: "Okay, they're not the prettiest girls in the world, but mix two grenades and it might make one good-looking girl." Plus 11.
Sam: "I like to be with my boyfriend at all times. Do you get that?" Scary. Minus 3.
Pauly D: "I'm not going to smash it out with Rocio before I leave. Umm, it's not that kind of chick. I don't need to." No, it is definitely not that kind of chick. Wash.
Pauly D is right. Youse are all f*%kin' nuts man.
The Situation brings the drama in the second half of the episode, bagging on people for no reason and acting like he's the $h!t. Dude, it's getting a tad old. Minus 10.
After JWoww calls him fake, Sitch says she's fake. Pauly appears to nod. Snooki takes this as an insult and tells her BFF, who confronts Pauly. So high school. Plus 2.
This whole thing gets a Minus 3 overall, because while we always can respect things getting heated, it's cliched at this point, and all stems from Mike being a prick.
At the club, Sammi asks Ron, "Why are you with me?" "I'm in love with you," he says. "Why? I can't help the way I feel." Basically, Ron-Ron's better judgment might say otherwise, but a girl who will put up with anything is hard to find. Plus 8.
Snooki weeps as the cast says its goodbyes for like a few weeks.
Frightened, Snooki storms off in tears, believing everyone hates her now, and starts pack her bags to leave ... which she was going to do anyway. Plus 5.
Mike, good guy he is, explains to Snooki that everyone loves her and no one has any hatred towards her. Unless he wants to leave the club first. Minus 3.
With Mike scooping her up over his shoulders, Snooki's coo-ca shows for the 100th time, hugs are exchanged, and fences are mended. Mostly. Hey, we have to have the tension lingering when things move back to Jersey this winter. Plus 10.
Until Season Three begins ...
TOTAL: +10. SEASON TOTAL: +143.
After the self-proclaimed King of Pimps ran afoul of Snooki last week, he struck out with more girls, got the gang booted from da club and failed as a wingman.
We felt bad ... for Pauly D. Below, THG breaks down the top Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from last night's episode of the show in its patented +/- recap ...
Not DTF? Then GTF out!
Snooki becomes homesick after saying goodbye to her friend Ryder and contemplates leaving. Minus 7, because we know filming ends in a matter of days.
The Situation kicks a girl out of his bed after she tells him she doesn't want to hook up, leading to one of our favorite exchanges this season. Sitch: "Don't come over to somebody's house at f*%king 5 a.m. and expect to play checkers." Non-DTF Girl: "I never said anything about checkers, OLD MAN!" LOL. Guy is like 28. Plus 28.
Sayeth Snooki, of JWoww's clubbing attire: "She looks so good. She looks like the ultimate stripper." One that can and will beat your ass on cue. Plus 5.
Vinny on Ramona: "I'm a little pot-committed and caught some feelings for her after all we've been through." Minus 9, because pot-committed makes no sense, even if closed captioning says it, and "what they've been through" is him being stood up once.
Pot-committed or not, we're kinda loving Vinny and Ramona.
This is more of a general observation, but does anybody else think that some of the authenticity is fading now that the cast members are celebrities? When they were a bunch of white trash idiots in New Jersey, it just seemed more real. Minus 10.
Back to the show ... Pauly D laments his terrible wingman situation: "What I need is somebody that knows how to take one for the team or entertain a grenade or even decipher the bomb if one comes." Decipher? Eh, the point got across. Plus 8.
Wow! Sammi acts totally irrationally over a mundane comment from Ronnie. What a shock! Asked by his girl if she looks "exotic," Ronnie says yeah, Sammi looks Asian. Ronnie's ex-girlfriend is Asian. HOW DARE YOU RON!? Minus 15.
After a mishap in the kitchen, firefighters visit the Miami house to make sure nothing is on fire. Yet the things that burn, they can't check. Plus 6. Speaking of ...
We need a shot of penicillin after merely watching this.
JWoww creates a chart to see how the roommates have indirectly hooked up with each other. The real question is who hasn't smushed at this point. Minus 7.
The Situation and Vinny accidentally get the car towed. Not his night. Plus 4.
After Pauly D lures two girls from Canadia to the crib, The Situation flakes again after his is engaged. Pauly? Not happy: "I was nice enough to bring two. At least entertain the chick or something so I can get it in." Seriously dude. Nut up. Minus 10.
TOTAL: -7. SEASON TOTAL: +133.
Last week's epic throwdown would have been a fitting end to the South Beach venture, wrapping up the sophomore season of the MTV hit at an even 10 episodes.
After that scintillating drama, this week felt like filler.
Still, THG's here as always to break down the best Jersey Shore quotes and scenes from last night's installment of the show in its patented +/- recap below ...
Ronnie and Sammi scenes make for a Jersey Snore.
Angelina Pivarnick is gone, and we have to give that a Minus 15. Painful as she can be at times, that spark, that common enemy, was sorely lacking Thursday. Sigh.
JWoww: "I like my boobs." Money does buy nice things. Plus 4.
Totally random, but Plus 13 for last night's Bones. Follow the link to see why. If The Situation actually guest starred like they wanted, we might score it even higher.
Wanting to save a lobster, Snooki and JWoww thought lobsters ate insects and put it in a bowl of fresh water. Public schools, you get an EPIC FAIL. And a Minus 12.
Snooki and JWoww decide to apologize to Sammi for the letter drama. Plus 3, because while we enjoy building tension and all, that was the mature thing to do.
Ronnie Magro grows tired of Sammi Giancola's complete inability to make her own decisions. We're right there with you, Ron. Right there with you. Minus 9.
Despite being stood up, Vinny decides to give Ramona a second chance. Later, Vinny and Ramona end their date with a kiss. Our hearts flutter a bit. Plus 7.
Here we've got a lonely and jealous Situation.
JWoww terms three guys chilling in a hot tub "a little homosexual." A little? Ya think? Plus 4, because the homoerotic quotient of this show is really underrated.
Snooki and her friend Ryder goof around in the confessional. Ryder. Minus 3 for the name and Minus 5 more for the guttural noises they use to communicate.
The Situation: "Back in the day, they had a prophecy that one day, there would be a pimp of all pimps, and his name would be The Situation." Ass. Plus 10.
Mike watches with jealousy as Vinny and Ramona dance together. The Situation henceforth attempts to swoop in on Vinny's girl. Not cool. Minus 6, big dawg.
Trolls. Do not anger them.
The Situation later gets frustrated when Snooki doesn't want to leave the club early. It's unclear if he's looking out for her or just being selfish, so ... Wash.
"Snooki’s drunk and she doesn’t understand. She acts like she’s 10 years old." Come on Sitch. You can't call the kettle black all day and all night. Minus 5.
Sammi: [on The Situation] "If I met him, I'd be like 'No way.'" Ronnie: "You did meet him, and you made out with him." Plus 17 for that vintage Magro wit.
Mike declares himself the leader of the pack and kinda slaps Snooki, who becomes irate. Even Pauly D doesn’t get why Mike is acting so weird. Minus 19.
TOTAL: -16. SEASON TOTAL: +140.
Snooki has made it clear what sort of man she's after: a nice, tan, gorilla juicehead nympho.
In the near future, we'll get to watch the Jersey Shore star select just such a caller, as sources say she's signed on to anchor her very own dating show!
"They are set to make the big announcement any day now," an insider told In Touch Weekly of the planned MTV series, which would feature cameos by JWoww and a few ex-boyfriends, the latter of whom would serve as consultants.
No premiere date has been announced, nor a title been given to the program. But allow THG to offer our assistance with the latter. Which of the following do you like best?
Chime in now with your best Snooki dating show titles!
Creepin': adj. 1. To sneak about unnoticed and in mysterious fashion; typically but not necessarily to convey the message that one is a sexual being. 2. To cheat.
Last night on Jersey Shore, Ronnie continued his sleazy, drunken antics, Angelina sort of made up with peeps and Vinny may have done the unthinkable.
How did it all play out in episode three of season two? THG's got it covered ...
Steamed over her "brother" being slapped in the face three times. JWoww threatens to beat up Angelina since Pauly can't. What are sisters for? Plus 3.
Angelina Pivarnick claims to not remember what she did to Pauly D. Sorry, but these people are clearly not blacked out drunk EVERY night. Minus 4.
Angelina wears her trademark sneer, and sunglasses indoors.
"I didn't know being drunk and people making mistakes was that bad..." - Angelina.Hmm. She has a point. That's pretty much the premise of the show. Plus 2.
Vinny gets his fade on ... a different kind of fade. He and Ronnie go to the 'hood for haircuts. Vin is thoroughly entertaining there and at the gelato shop. Plus 5.
Snooki rocks the "Old Snook Look" for a night out, catching Vinny's eye. The poof and cleave can only foreshadow bad things. Pauly D: "Who knows." Minus 7.
The Situation is usually The Instigation, but this week was The Mediation, convincing the girls to give Angelina a chance if she "mans up." What a uniter! Plus 6.
Vinny on J-Woww: "Albert Einstein should rewrite his laws of physics and rework them around Jennie's t!ts." Point taken, but they're kinda gross, so Minus 4.
Now, for the obligatory Ronnie-Sammi drama. Minus 12, since it's both predictable and pathetic that he was creepin' at the club, then crawled in bed with her.
Did Vinny do the unthinkable? He's about to wonder the same.
Late night, Snooki is plastered, tries to call boyfriend Emilio Masella and breaks a bunch of $h!t, then ends up in bed with Vinny. Plus 11, if only for the fact that Emilio just learned this happened from the show and wants to fight Vinny.
The following night, it's guys night out: MVP style. Mike, Vinny, Pauly. The MVPs of MIA, supporting the GFF (Grenade-Free Foundation). Acronym overkill, perhaps, but we gotta admire the creativity, and they are the MVPs tonight. Plus 9.
Pauly, on Angelina wanting to tag along: "It's not MVPA." Plus 3.
Their debauchery got off to a great start by ditching Angelina when she turned around for one second, but ended up with a jacuzzi full of grenades and a game of catch with a padded bra insert. How do we even evaluate that? Wash.
Ronnie ditches Sam once again, gets drunk and starts creepin' on random hoes.Minus 8. Snooki and JWoww want to put an end it. Do it, girls! Plus 4.
TOTAL: +8. SEASON: +42. Follow this link for the night's Jersey Shore quotes!
None of the other cast members cared.
In fact, they were so apathetic about the "Kim Kardashian of Staten Island" that seeing her in South Beach during the Season 2 premiere led to double-takes.
People were far from pleased. Girls in particular.
"I just feel like she didn't fit into the family," Snooki (Nicole Polizzi) told MTV News. "When I saw her in the house, when I walked into Miami, I was like, 'What is this girl doing here? Why are you here? We could have brought [Deena] in.'"
There's no love lost between Snooki and Angelina.
That would be Deena Nicole Cortese, Snooki's BFF who joined the show for Season 3. The South Beach antics are considered Season 2, before the N.J. return.
"I'm different because I'm just a personable person," Deena, Ms. Class in a Glass, said. "I don't take things to heart. People can make fun of me 'til the day I die, and I will just take it in and be like, 'Yeah, you know what? Whatever.'"
Whatever indeed. But before Deena Nicole comes aboard, we're going to have to watch the crew run Angelina Pivarnick out, and it's not gonna be pretty.
"You're a f*%king white rat and you're f*%king pale and you're nasty" was one of our favorite Snooki quotes from the Season 2 premiere a few weeks back.
"Angelina, she just didn't fit in with anybody, she didn't really open up to anybody," Snook says. "I feel that's why nobody could really connect with her. We gave her a second chance. And she did what she did with it. You're going to have to see."
After learning that a drunk Snooki (Nicole Polizzi) climbs into bed with castmate Vinny, Emilio, who was dating the reality star at the time, vows revenge.
"I am pissed, we were friends and he was messing with my girl when I was with her, it's not cool.” Emilio Masella said. “I'm so angry I want to fight him."
"I mean I just said goodbye to her a couple of days before it was shot and she climbed into his bed,” the New Jersey native reflects. “I was devastated."
Emilio met Snooki in January after the first season of the hit reality show and the pair were insperable. In April, Snooki accused him of being unfaithful.
Vinny Guadagnino recently snuggled up to his Jersey Shore co-star Snooki Polizzi. Emilio Masella, who briefly dated the reality star this year, took exception.
Back in April, Emilio got dumped via voicemail by the Snook. The indignity.
"She always accused me of cheating and I never did,” he said. “And now I had to watch her on national TV doing it. I don't deserve this, I'm a sweet guy."
Sweet he may be, but Emilio wants a piece of Vinny – for charity of course.
"I want to box him, for a charity,” said the scorned non-star. “I'm going challenge him to a charity boxing match. I want to raise money for the Chile Earthquake relief fund. I am so in love with her I want to do something for Snooki."
She thinks he dissed her on TV.
During Obama's visit to The View, he said he didn't know who Snooki was. Hard to blame him for trying to dodge that one, but in May, POTUS joked that the Jersey Shore star and her cohorts should be excluded from that very tanning tax.
"I know he knows who I am," Snooki told E! Online this weekend. "Why did he have to lie and say he didn't know me? He did say Snooki and JWoww about the tanning stuff and now he doesn't know who I am? He has to stop lying."
Looks like Barack's down one voter in 2012.
KISS OFF: Snooki wants the President to stop the lies.
As for New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie slamming the MTV series for tarnishing the Garden's State's image, Snooki, who is actually from N.Y. State, simply said:
"He needs to come over and have a hot dog and a Corona and just chill."
But not too many Coronas. Otherwise he could end up arrested like Snooki on July 30. "I learned not to drink during the day and save it for the clubs. Have you ever been in jail? It's not fun. I never want to go there again."
We have, and can vouch for her on that one. Better to wait until at least 4 p.m. before cracking open that first cold one. Maybe she'll write this newfound wisdom down in one of her new books. Yes, that was books, plural.
"One is the Snooktionary with all my sayings," Snooki said. "The other is the story of somebody going to Seaside Heights and everything that could happen to them."
Could make a nice stocking stuffer, Barack.
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