January 20, 2010

The Bachelor Recap: Viva Vienna!

As usual, The Hollywood Gossip staff endured The Bachelor last night to bring you our official recap, with points awarded/docked according to our scientific system.

In the season's third episode, Vienna Girardi emerged as a frontrunner, and Michelle became even more insane. Here's THG's take on that and so much more ...

Jake takes Vienna bungee jumping "to overcome their fears as a couple." A couple who met like 10 days ago. And jumps off a bridge entirely by choice. Minus 5.

Plus 12, though, for the show blatantly recycling this story line from Jason and Molly's season, but Minus 12 for V saying she's "on cloud Jake right now." Wow.

Michelle: "I really want a 1-on-1 date with Jake. I really do." You're joking! Plus 16, as she also wants to kiss Jake softly and pull his hair. She is bat$h!t insane.

Jake and His Harem

Jake Pavelka and his Bachelor babes after their comedy venture.

Plus 6 to Jon Lovitz for purposely not being funny at his own comedy club, in order to help take the pressure of the suitors. (That is what he was doing, right?!?)

Corrie absolutely trashes Vienna Girardi in her standup routine, and other girls throw her under the bus too. Minus 10 for the cattiness, even for The Bachelor.

The girls HATE Vienna, yet we never see her do anything bad. A theory? It's part of the narrative so we're "shocked" when she wins (see Bachelor spoilers). Even.

Ali on Michelle: "She just seems a little off." Ya think?! Plus 2.

Ella had a nice date with Jake at Sea World. They're great together, but Minus 4 because they involved her 7-year-old son when she's obviously not gonna win.

Tenley Molzahn opens up to Jake about her past and divorce. We admit it, we're finally hooked on a contestant. She seems so sincere and squeaky. Plus 13.

Tenley and Jake

Jake and sweet, sweet Tenley have a tender moment.

Jake: "I'm not a serial dater." With the exception of appearing on two reality shows based around dating. Minus 4, because we thought he "believed in the process."

Mean, when Michelle pressures Jake to kiss her, and he reluctantly does so, his expression is PRICELESS. Plus 1,000 because he's as scared of her as we are!

Minus 7 for Elizabeth being such a tease, and a really bad one at that. Seriously, girls used to play these games with us in fifth grade. They totally worked, but still.

TOTAL: +1,007. SEASON: +23. Roses: Vienna, Ella, Gia, Corrie, Tenley, Ali, Jessie, Kathryn and Ashleigh. Eliminated: Valishia, Elizabeth and crazy a$$ Michelle.

Things our wives said:

  • [on Jake, multiple times] "Was that him attempting to be funny again?"
  • "These girls are even dumber than I thought, which is saying something."
  • "I'm going upstairs to watch videos of my own stomach instead."
  • [on Michelle] "Doesn't she make you nervous? I'm uncomfortable."
  • "I wish I could accept a rose ... so I could stab myself with its thorns."

David Letterman on Jay Leno Bashing: It's Really F un

It's clear who the loser is in the recent NBC late-night shake-up: Conan O'Brien.

But it's also apparent who the winner has become in this mess of a situation: David Letterman.

The Late Show host has gotten in numerous attacks on Jay Leno and NBC over the past couple weeks, prompting NBC executive Dick Ebersol to call him and O'Brien "chicken-hearted and gutless" for their take on the mess.

Naturally (and hilariously), Letterman responded to this critique last night. After subtly tweaking Leno's reputation as America's friendly everyman, he said: “I’m telling jokes and making fun of Jay Leno relentlessly, mercilessly, simply for one reason: I’m really enjoying it.”

It's classic Letterman:


Letterman on NBC

Scott Brown: Nude in Cosmopolitan!

Scott Brown is a Massachusetts State Senator and U.S. Senate candidate vying to replace the late Ted Kennedy in a special election taking place today.

The little-known politician made an amazing run, putting once-heavy favorite Martha Coakley on the hot seat as Massachusetts voters head to the polls.

Speaking of hot seats: Check out Scott Brown nude in Cosmopolitan, circa 1982!

Scott won the magazine's “America’s Sexiest Man” contest that year, back when he was a 22-year-old law student at Boston College. You can see why.

“Here at Cosmo we’ve had bachelors go on to be actors, models, and reality show stars, so we’re thrilled that one has gone on to become a politician,” says Kate White, Cosmopolitan editor in chief. Obviously we know how to pick ’em."

That they do ...

Scott Brown Nude

Scott Brown: Nakedly ambitious in politics. And sort of literally.

This particular bachelor has always had political ambitions and even admitted to being “a bit of a patriot” when he was interviewed nearly three decades ago.

Will he become the new U.S. Senator from Massachusetts today? Predicting the outcome based on spotty recent polling data is as hard as Brown's six pack.

If he prevails, you may be looking at the new face (and naked body) of the Republican party. Good looks and half a brain? Quite a combo. Sorry, Sarah Palin.

LESS SCANDALOUS SCOTT BROWN FUN FACT: His daughter, Ayla Brown, made the top 24 on Season Five of American Idol, and plays basketball for BC.

Alex Lambert: American Idol Hopeful

Might the name Lambert get lucky two years in a row on American Idol?

As fans know, Adam Lambert made it all the way to the final two on season eight of the country's most-watched program.

Now, an upstart named Alex Lambert is hoping to follow in that singer's talented footsteps.

According to various sources, Alex has earned a spot in the show's top 24. Not much is known about this Texas native, except that he loves to wear goofy glasses and strum the guitar.

To wit, check out the singer's rendition of the Jason Mraz classic "I'm Yours."


Alex Lambert Cover

Report: Madonna Wants Baby Jesus (Luz)

Madonna, who already has four kids, isn't content to stop there. She's in the process of trying for a baby with her lover Jesus Luz, according to the Sun (UK).

The British tabloid says Madge has even consulted doctors about conceiving another child at age of 51, pals said, with model Jesus, who at 22 is ... young!

Dude's up for it, though. He has reportedly told her that becoming a father would be "his greatest adventure" and she thinks he will be a "fantastic dad."

The wedding rumors have subsided for now ... but will a baby happen anyway?

Madonna and Lourdes

Madonna and her eldest child, Lourdes.

Madonna already has Lourdes, 13, by Carlos Leon and son Rocco, 9, by ex-husband Guy Ritchie. She also has Malawian orphans David Banda and Mercy James, 4.

A close pal, who refers to Madonna by her preferred nickname Em, said: "Em says motherhood is her greatest achievement and the most fulfilling thing in her life."

"She knows that, at 51, it's going to be harder to conceive naturally. But she is Olympic-athlete fit and is ready for the challenge." Olympic-athlete fit? Really?

Madge has been with Jesus Luz for more than two years, meeting him during a photo-shoot in Brazil shortly after she divorced Sherlock Holmes director Guy.

There was also an "affair of the heart" with Alex Rodriguez in there.

The pal added: "Jesus is very religious and deeply in love. He adores her kids but has always wanted a child of his own ... he wants the adventure with her."

Who can blame her for being into it? Have you seen Jesus Luz?

Jesus Luz Naked

Jesus Luz, naked, can't bear the thought of not procreating.

Fashion Face-Off: Angelina Jolie vs. Jennifer Aniston

Angelina Jolie skipped the Golden Globes, but her presence was still felt.

By Jennifer Aniston, whose Golden Globes dress - a black Valentino gown with a thigh-high split - was, like, totally similar to a style rocked by Jolie last year!

As you can see, the current life partner of Brad Pitt (at least until Star breaks them up tomorrow) rocked a Versace gown to the Inglourious Basterds premiere.

Sucks for Jen! Oh, who are we kidding. She totally copied it on purpose.

After all, there's nothing Jen likes more than messing with Angelina Jolie. She also likes flirting with Gerard Butler, but mind games are Aniston's true passion.

In any case, who do you think rocked their dress the best? Vote below!

Angie vs. Jen

Heidi Montag: Hotter After Plastic Surgery?

Now more plastic than human, more machine than woman, a cyborg-like Heidi Montag recently (and willingly) decided to undergo 10 plastic surgery procedures.

This wasn't her first time, either.

Despite being only 23 years young, Heidi Montag has had a nose job and a boob job and likely some work on those lips as well - and that was all back in 2007.

The question is? Did it do anything for her? Or did she look better as the fresh-faced cutie we first saw in the early days of The Hills? Vote in our poll below ...

Heidi Montag: Pre-Breast ImplantsPlastic Surgery Princess

Heidi before and after many operations. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

The Vampire Diaries Cast Covers Nylon

It was written off as a Twilight Saga clone at first, but The Vampire Diaries has made a solid impression on viewers.

This is a truly intriguing drama on The CW, anchored by a gorgeous cast. It's led by Ian Somerhalder, Nina Dobrev and Paul Wesley.

The threesome posed for a series of photos with Nylon magazine this week, with each answering a question about the surprising hit:

Dobrev, on similarities with other vampire franchises: "When the show first started... you automatically thought Twilight. But once you continue, there's a whole other side of it that goes a lot deeper... It's about letting everyone know that we're different but we all respect each other."

Wesley, on gratitude for Twilight: "Do I thing the show would be successful as it is, if it weren’t for all that? No.”

Somerhalder, on initial reaction to Damon Salvatore: “[My character] is gonna be the coolest character on television. There was no doubt about it. It reminded me of Sawyer, Josh Holloway’s character on Lost. He was always the character I secretly wished I could play.”

Vampire Diaries Cast Pic

Three CW StarsNina and Her BoysIan Somerhalder in NylonPhoto of Paul Wesley

Kate Major: Jon Gosselin is a Loser

We know this may come as a huge shock to you, but Jon Gosselin is apparently a "huge loser," according to an inside source with knowledge of the subject.

Kate Major, who sort of dated Jon last summer, is now dating Michael Lohan. This speaks volumes about her taste, but still, she says it's a step up from Jon.

“He seems to go for nice girls from nice families and, in my case, with good careers," said the ex-reporter for Star freaking magazine who quit to date him.

"I would love Jon to get into the boxing ring with [Michael Lohan] so he could get his butt kicked because, let’s face it, we all know he needs the money.”

Kate was referring to Mike's Celebrity Boxing pastime, of course, and also had some words of warning for Jon’s new girlfriend, 25-year-old Morgan Christie.

Kate Major PictureJon Gosselin, Michael Lohan

Kate Major has dated both these guys. Wow, Kate.

“I don’t know if she missed out on the last year, but I’d really like to warn her as well as her family to really look at the type of person that Jon is and look at what he did to his other ex’s,” Kate 2.0 said. “She should be careful and watch out.”

Or ransack his place with a butcher knife, right Hailey Glassman?

Jon and his newest rebound fling met during Thanksgiving while he was skiing in Utah. Morgan Christie reportedly comes from an affluent Connecticut family.

“It seems perfect this is the next beat for Jon. He has no job, no family other than his kids. He needs to take advantage of someone else now. Jon wouldn’t be with this girl unless she could offer him some kind of financial support.”

“All I know about [Morgan Christie] is that she met Jon while he was supposedly visiting his grandmother,” Kate said. “But he was probably just sitting around smoking weed with his buddies, and that’s when he met her.”

Good to know. Thanks Kate!

Kelly Bensimon Nude: Coming to Playboy

The speculation is true. The clothes will soon be coming off.

A rep for Playboy confirms that Real Housewives of New York star Kelly Bensimon will pose in the magazine's March issue. She "will be featured on the cover and in a 6-page nude pictorial," the insider said.

Bensimon's upcoming spread is seen at a direct challenge to Bethenny Frankel, who posed nude for a PETA billboard in Times Square in mid-December.

As the stakes between these co-stars grow higher, we can only imagine castmate Jeana Keogh eventually one-upping them all and doing porn.

Kelly Bensimon Photo

First Listen: Taylor Swift's "Today was a Fairytale"

Pretty much every actor and actress on the planet has a role in Valentine's Day, the romantic comedy being released next month.

But only one star appears in the film, makes out with Taylor Lautner and has a single on the movie's soundtrack: Taylor Swift.

Below, we're giving readers a chance to listen to this song, titled "Today was a Fairytale." It’s already number-one on the iTunes “Top Songs” chart and it starts with the following verse:

“Today was a fairytale/You were the prince/I used to be the damsel in distress/You took me by the hand and you picked me up at six/Today was a fairytale.”

Check it out below and then respond: Does Taylor have another hit on her hands?