The Hills Recap: Make Up to Throw Up

Somebody please explain this one to us, if you don't mind.

At what point did Justin-Bobby become more than a transient figure, but a guy The Hills is based around, with Kristin Cavallari and Audrina Patridge smitten?

What is the appeal of this guy? What woman doesn't love a mysterious, shady individual morally opposed to haircuts, bathing, working or speaking coherently?

It is useless to resist.

Audrina Patridge proved again that she cannot quit him, casting Ryan Cabrera aside. Meanwhile, Kristin brought the ruckus to that psycho b!tch Allie Lutz.

Here's THG's recap of Tuesday's The Hills, "Make Up to Break Up" ...

FEEL THE MAGIC: A scene straight out of a Lifetime film.

Audrina has weighed the pros and cons with Ryan, and it's not gonna work. We're imagining her writing an actual list. Pros: Nice, rich. Cons: Hair? Minus 4.

Kristin and Lo are bummed about Audrina's feelings toward Ryan. Plus 5, because they know he deserves better and that Justin-Bobby is a waste of space.

From the moment Brody Jenner arrives at the club, Kristin and he flirt relentlessly. Hot. Plus 3, because you might as well cue the adult film soundtrack now.

Sleazy T sighting! Plus 2.

Brody says McKaela Line is crazy for bringing Allie Lutz around. Minus 8, because McKaela Line and her connection to the crew are clearly fabricated by MTV.

Allie spots Kristin across the club and tries to make amends, but Kristin calls her and their awesomely snarky confrontation almost gets physical. Plus 12.

BITCH PLEASE: Kristin Cavallari will bring it, Allie Lutz. Step. Away.

Kristin shows up at Smashbox to meet Lo for lunch and is fake surprised to see McKaela there. Wow, can you BELIEVE the coincidental run-ins on this show? Plus 7.

Ryan Cabrera asks Audrina why she left his show early and she says it's just too hard for her to hear him sing, 'cause the feelings just aren't there. Weak. Minus 8.

No Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. Again. Minus 10.

Kristin invites Justin to Audrina's b-day party for reasons unknown. Minus 5. Weren't these two supposedly together at the end of last season? That fizzled fast.

Audrina and Stephanie talk about the difficulties of relationships and the importance of honesty ... except when faking every single scene for a reality show. Plus 3.

Justin-Bobby tells Audrina he's happy where the two of them are now. Sitting at THG World Headquarters writing this, we wish we could say the same. Minus 5.

TOTAL: -8. SEASON: -14.

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Glam Nation Sensation: Adam Lambert Kicks Off Tour in NYC

Adam Lambert kicked off his Glam Nation summer tour last night in New York City with an impression of the Mad Hatter, a bit of man-on-man action and, of course, great music.

The artist performed at the Nokia Theater and, because we've been critical of Miley Cyrus for a simulated same-sex kiss, her ignorant fans will likely get on our case for standing up for Adam and his actions below. But there are major differences here:

• Miley is straight and pretended to make out with a girl just to seem edgy. Adam actually is gay.
• Lambert has been flamboyant and eccentric from the moment he stepped on the American Idol stage. Fans always knew exactly what they were getting with him, as there's been no sudden transformation just to sell records - and his clothes remain intact!
• Adam is not 17 years old.

As loyal THG readers know, we adore Adam Lambert.

Few artists out there deliver the kind of energy, enthusiasm and creativity as this former American Idol finalist. Click on the pics below to get closer looks at him in concert last night...

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Kellie Pickler and Kyle Jacobs: Engaged!

Our heartfelt congratulations go out to Kellie Pickler.

The former American Idol finalist and all-around cutie is engaged to Kyle Jacobs, who proposed to her on June 15.

"It turned out to be the most amazing day of my life," Kellie told People, explaining how the engagement was finalized on the same date as the anniversary of her grandmother's passing. "My whole world changed. We both feel like we got my grandmother's blessing.

"I remember saying to Kyle, 'Baby it's like I'm dreaming – but if this isn't real, I'm going to be very upset!'"

It's real, Kellie, and we wish you the best.

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Tiger and Elin Woods Meet With Divorce Lawyers

Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren met separately with divorce attorneys Tuesday for the second straight day, fueling speculation that a split may be imminent.

Elin met with a divorce attorney Monday and Tuesday at her rented house in Orlando, while Tiger met with his legal team on both days well, sources say.

“The divorce is moving ahead,” said an insider, noting that the meetings are the result of negotiations speeding up. “They are trying to work out the terms.”

One of the main topics being discussed is custody of their two small children, which "has led to negotiations about where Tiger and Elin are going to live.”

Right now, one scenario being talked about seriously is both Tiger and Elin Woods moving to South Florida – where they would live separately, of course.

The Woods' divorce is coming, it's just a matter of time.

Tiger has a huge oceanfront mansion on Jupiter Island that is nearly finished, and according to reports, Elin Woods has indicated she wants that house.

“Tiger really wants to be near his children,” the source said, discussing that proposed plan. No word if he also wants to be close to his alleged love child.

Elin previously floated the idea of moving back to her native Sweden with the children, a scenario Tiger Woods is not in favor of for several reasons.

It is rumored that Elin is seeking a $750 million settlement in all, following failed attempts to salvage the marriage in the wake of an epic sex scandal.

Elin participated in Tiger’s sex rehab therapy, and things appeared to be progressing well for a time, but Tiger's return to golf quashed the reconciliation.

Elin viewed it as sign he was not serious about changing, and perhaps she was right, as Tiger missed his daughter’s birthday Friday at the U.S. Open.

The star vowed he would never miss another birthday when discussing the pain of not being there for his son’s birthday when he was in sex rehab.

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Spotted Kissing: Justin Rego and Jessica Spillas!

Justin Rego might as well be nicknamed Rated R for Rubbing it in Ali Fedotowsky's face, because that's basically what he's doing kissing his girlfriend in public.

Poor Ali. Fortunately, the existence of Jessica Spillas, Justin Rego's girlfriend back home, reached The Bachelorette in time for her to (presumably) cut him loose.

But not before five episodes full of manipulations and lies.

Rego, a so-called entertainment wrestler, pretended to woo Ali while basking in his newfound fame ... and dating Jessica Spillas back home in Canada.

Here's the creep known as Rated R kissing her recently ...

Ali Fedotowsky got played by Justin Rego, seen here sucking face with girlfriend Jessica Spillas. Fortunately, she gets Revenge on Rated R come Monday night.

With the jig up, Rego didn't even wait for his send-off episode to air next week before publicly embracing Spillas his Canadian hometown. That cheating bastard!

The reality star couldn't keep his hands off Spillas during a shopping trip in Toronto's Queen Street West neighborhood, but he's also reportedly two-timing her.

At least he was, if Kimberly Kerekes, who also claims to be Justin Rego's girlfriend, is to be believed. As if his antics on The Bachelorette weren't shady enough.

Fortunately, we can tell you from The Bachelorette spoilers we've posted that Rego does not make it past next week - his slimy behavior is about to be exposed.

Still, it's sickening that he played Ali like he did, and that ABC let him get away with it if they knew. Follow the jump for more pics of Rated R kissing his girl ...

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Miles Austin: Kim Kardashian's Latest Katch!

With over 1,300 receiving yards and 11 touchdowns in 2009, Miles Austin was a fantasy football sleeper.

Now, due to who he's sleeping with, the Dallas Cowboys wideout is fulfilling the fantasies of men everywhere.

Sources have confirmed that Austin is dating Kim Kardashian, as he and the reality star were spotted on June 6 at Casa Vega in Los Angeles. Witnesses tell Us Weekly "they sat in the back drinking margaritas."

Another source adds that Kim likes Miles, but "doesn't want to rush anything." Why another professional athlete? "Kim wants to date someone who gets her busy lifestyle," says the insider.

Miles Austin made a number of great catches in 2009. But he saved his biggest for this spring.

As Ty Lawson hilariously Tweeted this week, Kardashian men have won the Super Bowl and the NBA title over the last few weeks. This bodes well for Cowboys fans.

For football fans, as well: Dallas takes on Reggie Bush and the Saints on Thanksgiving Day. Looks like dinner tables around the country won't be the only ones fighting over breasts that afternoon.

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Robert Pattinson Defends Kristen Stewart, Slams "Nerds on Blogs"

Ouch, Robert Pattinson. Ouch.

Speaking to Entertainment Weekly for its upcoming Eclipse cover story, the gorgeous actor was asked about Kristen Stewart's comments last month, where she compared the paparazzi to rapists.

While Kristen herself saw the error in her word choice and maturely apologized for it, Rob stood up for his rumored girlfriend and pointed the finger at, well... us.

"That whole system of Internet journalists, where no one is called to account, is almost entirely about hate," he said "All these people get away with doing it because they have no responsibility to anyone... there are so many little nerds behind their computers, on their little blogs."

Don't worry, Kristen. Rob has your back.

Pattinson may have a decent point overall, but this wasn't the ideal topic to express it over.

Stewart clearly over-stepped with her reference to "rape" and can often come across as ungrateful for her lot in life. But she dealt with that issue herself in the aforementioned apology and this doesn't seem to be a battle she needed her man to fight on her behalf.

The pair were seated next to one another during this interview, though, and it did lead to one of Stewart's funniest points to date. After Rob finished his rants, she said:

"See, if I said that? Crucifixion. You can say so much more than me. It's insane...you could say, 'I just took a s***on the Queen's face,' and people would be like, 'Oh, I love him! I love him!'"

Ha! She's totally right.

P.S. Rob, we prefer to be labeled as "geeks," thank you very much!

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