The Bachelor Recap: Tenley and Vienna Survive

Jake Pavelka traveled to St. Lucia with his three remaining women on The Bachelor last night. Despite the best efforts of Gia Allemand and a last-ditch do-over request by Ali Fedotowsky, he narrowed the field to just two lucky ladies:

Tenley Molzahn and Vienna Girardi.

How did he arrive at this painstaking decision? As always, THG endured Jake's trials and tribulations on The Bachelor to recap the action in our point system:

The "shocking return" of Ali Fedotowsky was the hyped event this week. She lies in bed with promotional pics of Jake that Mike Fleiss gave her when he wrote this. Or she printed online because she's a stalker. Either way, Plus 30.

Back in San Francisco, Ali pretends to lament her decision.

Jake often calls Gia "deep." What does that even mean? Minus 6.

Jake says he'd return to St. Lucia on a honeymoon as it has "a lot of meaning." Hard to top the place where you slept with three girls in one week, it's true. Plus 5.

Gia: "When I look into Jake's eyes, I get lost." Jealous. Minus 3.

A Fantasy Suite card is delivered, they hop in the tub in the suite and Jake says "Gia has grabbed on to my heart so hard." He could not be more awkward. Plus 4.

Minus 8 because we really should have added "take a sip every time Tenley says 'my ex'" to our Bachelor drinking game. We could've been so trashed last night!

Jake says he can't wait to watch his first sunrise with Tenley Molzahn. Plus 6 because with these two, that probably actually is what they were thinking about.

In the span of about like minutes Jake refers to Vienna Girardi as light, fun, immature, and "nurturing." LOL wut. This is your future wife, Jake?! Minus 17.

Vienna Girardi mauls Jake Pavelka. No wonder she's in the finale.

After inhaling Jake's face aboard a pirate ship, Vienna busts out her finest Wal-Mart lingerie and closes the suite door. Plus 3, because at least she goes for broke.

Re: the fantasy suite concept: Do girls put out when he's "dating" two others? We're guessing definitely Vienna and maybe Gia. No bone zone for Tenley. Even.

Twist alert! Ali calls Jake (cameras just happened to be rolling) and says she'll "forever" regret her decision. Until she stars on The Bachelorette, that is. Plus 7.

Jake's absurd reasoning for not taking her back: he's so much closer to the other three girls since Ali left. Dude, this happened like yesterday afternoon. Minus 14.

A half hour of filler ended the episode, but Plus 4 for the over-dramatic, music-free cut to commercial while Ali cried. That's when you know it's emotional!

TOTAL: +11. SEASON: +12. Roses: Tenley, Vienna. Gone: Gia, Ali (again).

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Spotted Again: Audrina Patridge and Ryan Cabrera

Looks like this rumored pair is definitely on ... or at least hanging out a lot as "just friends" as she frequently likes to say, coyly, of various love interests.

Singer Ryan Cabrera and The Hills star Audrina Patridge were seen cozying up at the opening of Delphine, a French bistro in the W Hotel in Hollywood.

Body language looks couple-like, does it not?

Do you think these two make an attractive pair?

This is the third recent sighting of Audrina Patridge and Ryan Cabrera, and hopefully it won't be the last. We could do without that hair (you're not Pauly D man), but he's a gigantic step up (or several) from that douche Justin-Bobby.

We just hope he doesn't play "On the Way Down" in his car driving back to his place trying to drop a hint. Sorry, that was in poor taste and not even that good.

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Ronnie Magro: Homophobic Hothead

Ronnie Magro of Jersey Shore seems likable enough, as long as you don't run into him and start talking $h!t on a Jersey Shore boardwalk right after last call.

Dude unleashed a homophobic tirade during one of his many brawls last summer, spewing some absolutely revolting language during the violent altercation.

The footage, which has just now come to light, was shot minutes before Ronnie's first brawl on Jersey Shore. The meathead guido got arrested if you recall.

In the clip, Ronnie Magro and another bar patron can be seen talking trash to each other and then exchanging blows on the shore in front of their girlfriends.

But in the new never-before-seen footage (watch at TMZ), Ronnie can also be seen and heard calling his adversary a "f**king f**got" and a "f**king queer."

Stay classy, intelligent and off the juice, Ronnie.

Nice, Ron. To think we actually liked you too. Sammi must be so proud of you after all these incidents. John Mayer and this moron should grab a beer sometime.

Much like when Snooki got cold-cocked in the grill by that neanderthal Brad Ferro, the footage of Ronnie's gay slur use never aired on MTV for obvious reasons.

Says a source from the production company: "There were several gay staff members working on the show. Ronnie always respected them and everyone else."

Sure he did. Again, how is that word even in your vocabulary?

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Nicole Richie and Joel Madden: Engaged!

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden, who have been together for several years and are already the parents of two adorable children, are getting married.

Richie made the announcement Monday night on The Late Show. Madden followed it up with a confirmation Tweet: "Yep. i'm engaged. Very happy."

Sums it all up right there. He adds: "Yeah we've been engaged for a while so your all kind of late on that. But Thanks for the hooplah all the same."

A source tells Us Weekly of the pair: "Nicole and Joel are in the process of planning the wedding. She's very involved in every detail. She’s thrilled."

The couple is expected to marry (for real this time) in the summer.

Nicole Richie and Joel Madden last year. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Richie and Madden started dating all the way back in December 2006 and have two children together: daughter Harlow, 2, and son Sparrow, five months.

"For us, we are going to do it because we want to," said Richie last year of tying the knot on her own time. "We're going to do it when the time's right."

Looks like that time is now.

These two have been a nice, relatively normal couple and cute family for so long, but it's great to see they are making it official. Congrats Nicole and Joel!

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Spencer: Heidi Montag Upset with Plastic Surgery

Heidi Montag is very upset, or at least was very upset initially, with her recent round of plastic surgery, her husband/pimp/publicist Spencer Pratt claims.

The Hills star famously had 10 plastic surgery operations in one day, and despite claims that she loves the results, Spencer says she was far from pleased.

"She came out of the hospital and the only thing she was saying was that the doctor better hide," Pratt said at Pure nightclub inside Caesars Palace.

"She wasn't happy," Spencer reiterated.

The aspiring pop star says she had "no idea" how painful all the ridiculous cosmetic procedures would be. Eh, you asked for it, now live with it, girl.

On a recent trip to a Sin City club, The Hills star Spencer Pratt poses with a low-rent Las Vegas stripper. Oh, wait, that's Heidi Montag! Didn't even recognize her!

"The worst pain was actually my ears. I didn't know that was the most painful process and feature," Heidi Montag recalled of having her face pulled back.

Gross.

Not that it deterred her from having further work done. Next up? Those boobs. For the third time. "I didn't get them as big as I originally wanted," she said.

Added Pratt, "She doesn't stop talking about it." Does it seem odd that Spencer Pratt is the voice of restraint and reason? He's not egging her on like usual.

So how did the couple spend a romantic Valentine's Day together? "My Valentine's present to Spencer is going shooting at the gun range," Montag said.

Follow this link for their (nauseating) Valentine's Day pictures.

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Rumored Couple Alert: Brody Jenner & Avril Lavigne!

Avril Lavigne and Brody Jenner might not be a standard Hollywood coupe you might expect to materialize, but that's the rumor going around this week!

According to E! News, the singer/rocker and The Hills star/club goer have been seeing each other, quietly, over the course of the last couple of weeks.

"They're hooking up," an insider said, "but are keeping it low-key."

Not so low-key that they haven't been seen in public, however. The pair, who both became single recently, were first spotted at Koi on February 4.

According to a restaurant source, the "Sk8ter Boi" songstress and reality TV Casanova left together in the same car and continued on to club Voyeur.

Has Brody Jenner been clandestinely hollering at Avril Lavigne?

This wasn't a one-shot deal either. Avril Lavigne and Brody Jenner were last seen out again on Thursday, back at Voyeur, where they partied all night.

"You can tell they're into each other and both like to have a good time," another source says of the rumored couple. "They really are cute together."

Brody just split from insane Playmate girlfriend Jayde Nicole late last year, while Lavigne filed for divorce from Sum 41's Deryck Whibley last October.

What do you think? Is Brody Jenner a good romantic match for Avril Lavigne and vice versa? Or can you not see them as a couple at all?

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Britney Spears Marks Head-Shaving Anniversary

We often mark celebrity birthdays with photo tributes to our favorite stars, but on this 16th day of February, we're commemorating something even more special.

Today is the 3rd anniversary of the day a rebellious, clinically depressed and by all accounts bat$h!t insane Britney Spears rolled into a salon and shaved her head.

That was pretty awesome.

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Marriage Can Wait, Fun Cannot, Says Kim Kardashian

The Super Bowl has come and gone, the New Orleans Saints defeated the Indianapolis Colts and, still, Kim Kardashian does not have a diamond on her finger.

A couple weeks ago, rumors had circulated that as soon as Reggie Bush won his championship ring, he'd follow up by placing a similar piece of jewelry - with a very different meaning - on his girlfriend's hand.

Alas, Kim is still single, but she sounds perfectly fine with that arrangement.

“I’ve been married before I was 19 and I want to take my time," she said in Las Vegas on Valentine's Day. "There are rumors like, ‘Kim is pressuring him,’ and there is none of that at all, I really want to take my time. We are young and we’re having fun."

That actually sounds... mature and grounded. Who are you, and what have you done with Kim Kardashian?!?

“We need to just support each other in every thing we do, so it’s just about spending time together,” she added.

The couple will have plenty of opportunities for that. Bush has an entire off-season ahead of him and, well, Kim doesn't do much aside from pose on red carpets. They can probably fit in some quality time in there somewhere.

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In Vogue: Emilie de Ravin and Robert Pattinson

"Rob and Emilie are gifted actors who really like each other. And the movie reveals them in a whole new way."

- Remember Me director, Allen Coulter

Such praise for Robert Pattinson and Emile de Ravin's performance in this upcoming relationship drama has Twilight Saga fans both excited and worried.

Excited because this is an opportunity to see Pattinson in a new, hot light; worried because on-set rumors hinted at a romance between Robert and Emile that went beyond the script.

We doubt that's true, though, because Pattinson hates vaginas. He also seems committed to Kristen Stewart.

But Rob and Emile are featured in the latest issue of Vogue.

The chemistry between the co-stars is clear, as Pattinson replied to a question about filming Remember Me with:

"It was the most ridiculous experience. You're trying to stay in character and you're trying to walk down the street, but all those people keep reminding you that you're not this character, you're..."

"A show pony," de Ravin interrupted, as the pair burst into laughter.

Robert will soon return to the vampire world in this summer's Eclipse, but will fans look at him the same way after they see him make out with someone not named Bella Swan? You tell us.

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Happy Birthday, Ice-T!

Ice-T turns 52 today, but fans need not worry about getting him a present.

The rapper-turned-actor's wife purchased a gift for him years ago: cartoon-sized breasts, as evidenced by the following photo of Ice and Coca...

Other birthdays boys include John McEnroe (51) and Kim Jong-il (69).

Check out our celebrity birthday calendar now to see when your favorite stars turn a year older. Then, send in your best wishes to today's honorees, with the exception of Kim Jong-il. That guy sucks.

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The Situation Keeping All Options Open

"It's not a question of whether we'll hook up, it's just a matter of when I decide." - Mike Sorrentino, a.k.a. The Situation, on housemate Sammi Giancola.

While the Jersey Shore star was overconfident about his prospects regarding the potential hookup described above, he does enjoy success with the girls.

But is Mike Sorrentino trying to find The One?

The Situation says that despite his playboy persona, he’s keeping romantic options open in homes that Mrs. Sorrentino will walk through the (club) door.

“I’m definitely looking,” he told People. “You’ve seen me looking.”

A better term might be creepin'.

The Situation is not afraid to reveal his deep, sensitive side.

Cocky and brash Jersey Shore quotes aside, Mike admits that he has a sensitive side, and while he’s playing the field right, he has high standards.

“The perfect woman could be anybody out there,” he said. “You just gotta keep an open mind, be yourself and you’ll find her. I just haven't yet.”

He is even single right now: “I wish I had a Valentine,” the Situation said. Guess he passed on drunk dialing Snooki nude. Probably for the best.

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Ali Fedotowsky "Shocked" By Jake Pavelka Rejection

fedotowsky made an emotional call to Jake Pavelka. Or at least held a phone to her ear and pretended to cry.

One week after she left The Bachelor for professional reasons, the 25-year-old made a passionate plea to return Monday. Jake reluctantly shot her down.

Ali explained that she couldn't sleep or focus on work, and that she made a huge mistake. She says she was "pretty shocked" Jake didn't want her back.

"One of the reasons it was OK for me to leave was because I thought if he really cares about me, then he is going to come and find me," Ali laments.

She tells Ellen DeGeneres in an interview Tuesday that she thought he'd "fly to get me that would be amazing... I thought we had something great."

Chris Harrison feed you that line, Ali?

The face of rejection ... and possibly the next Bachelorette.

Following Gia Allemand's elimination on Monday's episode, Ali Fedotowsky is reluctant to predict the recipient of Jake Pavelka's final rose this season.

Although she's "really good friends" with Tenley Molzahn, she says she was "startled" by the connection Vienna and Jake have. It is rather startling.

"I didn't realize that was happening behind the scenes or when I wasn't around. They look like a good couple. I actually think it could be Vienna."

The Bachelor spoilers we've read favor Vienna Girardi as well. Yech.

As for rumors she might become The Bachelorette, Ali says: "That would be so nice. I would be so flattered. If [ABC] asked, that would be so great."

Wonder if she'd choose work over that gig. Somehow we doubt it. If you ask us, this was a clever ruse to orchestrate exactly such a starring role.

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Chynna Phillips Heads to Rehab, Attempts to Hold On

You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness (no, baby!). You got yourself into your own mess... Let your worries pass you by.

When Chynna Phillips sang these words in the 1990 classic "Hold On," who knew they would sort of apply to own situation two decades later?

As this former member of the all-female group Wilson Phillips checks herself into rehab this week, there's just one difference between these lyrics and her personal crisis: Chynna can pretty much blame half-sister of Mackenzie Phillips for all her issues.

Last September, Mackenzie told the world about her incestuous sexual relationship with her father. The ramifications of that announcement have led Chynna's manager to release the following statement:

"After much thoughtful deliberation Chynna Phillips has checked herself into an undisclosed treatment facility for anxiety. With the full support of her family and friends, she is looking forward to her recovery. We ask that people respect her and her family's privacy at this time."

Chynna released a new album in the fall of 2009. She's married to Baldwin brother Billy, who will soon appear on Gossip Girl in the role of Serena's father.

A friend says Chynna is not receiving help for drugs or alcohol, but for "a combination of things. She hasn’t been the same since the summer.”

We hope she gets better and we'd like to honor the singer by asking readers to check out her classic video below. It ought to serve as inspiration for Chynna as she struggles to overcome these demons.

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Who Would You Rather: MILF Edition!

Mary-Louise Parker and Julie Bowen don't simply star on two popular TV shows.

They also star in the hearts, minds and fantasies of men everywhere.

The former anchors Showtime's Weeds, a long-running series that has lost a bit of momentum in recent seasons, but that's through no fault of Parker's. The 45-year old actress is akin to a fine wine: she gets better with age.

Bowen, meanwhile, turns 40 next month. She's a key part of a Modern Family cast that cracks us up every Wednesday night on ABC.

Both these women are others and sex symbols, a rare combination in Hollywood. Compare them below and then cast your all-important vote...

Who would you rather...

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